Meager accomplishments...

The sum total of my artistic work today...four prints. I can't believe how long it took me to get the scans and colors right on these. It reminded me of a somewhat frustrating day in the darkroom, without the chemicals!

I'm in a limbo these days...and there's good reason...but limbo it remains. Part of it is just who I am, and how I get caught up...and the intensity with which my attention gets focused. The hardest part is to withhold judgment of myself...that which says I'm lazy and disorganized and whatever... *sigh*

It IS a lovely day...despite the weird start to the week (so sad...). Life does go on...Caspar needs a walk, dinner needs to get fixed, Julian is testing tonight at aikido...and somewhere in there I need to remember all the beauty too.

Photo mania...

Well, not really, I guess. Besides, that sounds like some kind of psychological disorder of craziness upon exposure to the sun!! But...I've had periods of manic shooting lately...with a certain intensity that it's made me wonder a bit about my mental state.

Actually, I have a theory... With everything else that's been going on in the household and the degree to which my attention has been focused and on what...I think some ideas have hit me hard and fast and I've acted on them, as a way of letting pent up energy out. In any case, even as strange as it seems, I have no complaints about getting new ideas and putting them into action. But it won't last...these things ebb and flow I realize.

This is possibly the singular succussful image from a roll of 35mm color film I put in the Holga. Many of the shots were way overexposed or maybe they just didn't scan well. In any case, the colors were way trippy and while they may be appealing to some folks, they aren't really to me.

Jazzschool concert...

" Baise-Straight Ahead"...Julian on tenor

Mingus's "Moanin'"...Aaron Lington (coordinator for Jazz studies at San Jose State University) on bari

Mingus's "Moanin'"...Aaron Lington on bari, Julian on tenor, Mike Galisatus on trumpet and Liana on bass

...

It's not like this today...it's actually starting to rain. Not sure if we'll have aikido practice in the park if this keeps up (I really kind of wanted it...but not in the rain...).

I'm still tired....I'm waiting to be un-tired...maybe I should just accept that tiredness is pretty much my natural state anymore...*sigh*

...

I'm tired. I'm worried...about everyone around me (it seems everyday brings up a new issue...large or small...with those I love). I'm fighting off my fears and trying to realize that things change and then they change again...and just move through all this. It's hard when I'm battling my own issues (physical) to keep mentally chipper...ya know? At the same time, it's like they say...I know it builds character and strength.

I think it must be hard to develop compassion when you haven't suffered yourself. Those people who exude compassion and kindness even though life has been gentle with them...maybe they've paid their dues in the past, some time beyond current memory.

Anyway...

A beautiful morning...

I really have no complaints this morning. It's a beautiful day, Matt's getting out of the hospital, and I got the rare opportunity to sleep in. There's always a long list of to-do's but what gets done will get done and what doesn't will wait.




There's a bit of running around this morning which will kind of shoot the day...but that's okay too.

I'm thinking within the next couple weeks I need to begin preparation of work for the Open Studios in June. A good sized selection of small works will be my best bet...and I think potentially a lot of fun too.

The art world continues to to mystify me at times, but in the end I have to have the confidence in expressing myself with genuineness and integrity (even if I question whether it merits worth or is liked by others...but of course it would be nice if it would be liked by others!!).

A decent day...

After some morning rain the sky cleared to wonderful clouds and blue sky. I made two trips to the hospital and am happy to report that Matt's doing really well. Tomorrow he'll very happily return home.





And...it's always a good day when the bread rises well! Sensei's sourdough started made for a really tasty loaf with great texture.

Mixed holiday metaphors?

Julian's skull and crossbones and Laurel's zombie eggs. We got a little carried away with the egg decorating this year!!