Friday, June 30, 2006

Golden Gate Park...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Opening to First Thought



When you take photographs, just before you click the shutter, your mind is empty and open, just seeing without words. When you stand in front of a blank sheet of paper, about to make a painting or a calligraphy, you have no idea what you will do. Maybe you have some plan for a painting, or you know what symbol you want to calligraph, but you don't actually know what will appear when you put brush to paper. What you do out of trust in open mind will be fresh and spontaneous. Opening to first thought is the way to being any action properly.


--Jeremy Hayward, from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, Vol. IV, #3

Monday, June 19, 2006

Sunflower...




Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Bodhisattva's Task



The experience of the practice itself teaches us that any conception or ideal of awakened being can only be a hindrance--neither practice nor awakening is about our ideas or images.

And yet, however limited the finger-pointing at the moon, still we point, we turn to one another for direction. So I have come to think that if the bodhisattva's task is to continue to practice until every pebble, every blade of grass, awakens, surely the passions, difficult or blissful, can also be included in that vow.

And if awakening is also already present, inescapably and everywhere present from the beginning, how can the emotions not be part of that singing life of grasses and fish and oil tankers and subways and cats in heat who wake us, furious and smiling, in the middle of the brief summer night?


--Jane Hirshfield, from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, Vol. IV, #3

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Another day...

Monday, June 12, 2006

The big questions...


She came to me to talk about meaning. What is the meaning of relationship? If there are no expectations...then what is the purpose? What is the meaning of life? What am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to like? She was genuinely upset. I guess this is part of growing up. I guess this is part of being a thoughtful, sensitive person. And all I really wanted to tell her was...be happy. But she's unsure of what even makes her happy at this point.

Why did this upset ME so? Everyone worries about their offspring...who doesn't want them to be happy? This was more than that, though. This was about ME and my own search for meaning. This was about how unsure and uncertain I am about life. This was about my struggle to present meaningful artwork...work that will resonate with others on a deep, soulful level. How can I create something with meaning...when I can't even explain to my daughter why life is meaningful?

The only answer I could give was to seek understanding of connection. Perhaps through this understanding, that can really only come through experience, comes compassion. For me...that would be enough...

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Way...

Once in a while...


...if you're lucky...something or someone comes along in your life, to open up places that have never before seen light. You can't examine these experiences too closely because, like a shooting star, they're not directly of this time or this place (but yet they are). Really, all you can do...is be grateful.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Portola Middle School Jazz Ensemble

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Hey...


Good morning!! :)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Old and new...


There seems a place for both...

Monday, June 05, 2006



Morning glory...


...blue Monday...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Marina...

Poppies...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Open Studio...


, originally uploaded by aikitherese.

I'm C-7 on this map: www.proartsgallery.org/ebos/EBOS06_M&D_06-1.pdf Please do stop by if you're in the area!

Endings and beginnings...


Last night was the final symphonic band concert at Portola MIddle school, for this school year. This was also Julian's very last symphonic band concert as he'll be in high school in the fall. He's had a wonderful two years in the music program here, both with Ms. Carrico and Keith Johnson (the jazz director). He's progressed so much with his musical ability, but of course he works really hard at it. I'm very proud of him.

Such a time of transition in our household...my two children, who are now taller than me are moving on in the world. Of course, so am I, but my transitions aren't quite so obvious as theirs :)

It was interesting to look at all these kids in the band...many of whom I've known since they were kindergarteners!! So much potential!

Julian's been a bit bummed since he found out his placement in the high school band. He's been a little down on himself, even though the situation is just as much circumstantial as anything else. But then, he comes out after taking a shower last night (after the concert) and proceeds to make it "alright"...pointing out this and that person who were in the same situation the previous year, and how he knows he can simply continue to work and get better!! I'm always so blown away to see how the kids will just...come around. They process...and they work through things in their own ways. It's very heartening :)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Surrender...


Why is that so hard? Why is it so hard to simply allow the world to be as it is? Why grapple so, fight the stream, desperately look for things (including and probably foremost, the self) to be different, better?

I don't know, perhaps all that fighting finally leaves one so exhausted, so broken that all there is left to do IS surrender. There is no way to change (in outward fashion) in this moment anyway. Change happens gradaully, through the simple allowance of awareness and being. Any intentioned effort to change (with the hope of a certain outcome) seems futile.

I understand the desire for solitude that seekers feel. To get away from everything, all the outside influences, all the comparisons and judgment, leaves one to open to exactly what is within. And though I have little experience with truly knowing the brilliance and joy that resides deep inside the soul, it's my belief that it does exist there. Even so, awareness of the joy and brilliance may be a long time coming, a long time spent simply allowing the surrounding darkness to be as it is. With no one to question and no one to answer to, the thinking gradually stops and being in the moment becomes as natural as it IS.

Still...who is so fortunate to have the opportunity to go off on their own. I'm not. So...I look for ways to allow the darkness, to find the stillness, amidst the activity of this thing I know as my life. Ultimately, that peace will emerge and the change I desire will simply come (if it's meant to...if it's not, then I'll be ok with that too).